It doesn’t have to be this way…..
I carry this excess baggage
of the injustices, missed opportunities, regrets
on an already abundant journey as if my existence depended on them.
Those should haves, would haves, meant tos
but couldn’t find the courage tos.
I keep looking in the baggage to find out why
I cannot move forward.
This is my suffering
This is what prevents me from standing tall
This is what chooses the refrigerator instead of going for a walk
This is what searches every how to book
Looking for an answer, THE answer, to my pain and anger
Hidden, I believe, somewhere amongst my dirty laundry
and the kitschy possessions.
The answer is never there.
This is the cause of my suffering
Pain radiating from my hip and back and knee
The prospect of giving up my beloved gardening
Spending the rest of my days sitting in a rocking chair, watching
As the world passes me by
Sends waves of grief throughout my being
Tears wash over me like spring rains
Wind penetrates the cloudy corners of my mind
A storm gathers strength, a breaking point
There is a way to end suffering
Awareness is not the end game
It is just the beginning
My eyes open, heart soft, breathing deeply
I let go.
A phone call, an appointment, a time is set.
I show up.
I ask questions.
I allow someone to show me a different (better) way.
I try, fail, then try again and again and again.
I take responsibility for what I do in my life.
I am mindful of what I put into my mind, my body and my spirit.
I set perimeters and keep (enforce) them.
This is my practice
I leave the baggage behind
And choose a new path….