A scratchy throat, fatigue
like I had just run a long race
but had only shopped for a few groceries.
A nap brought congestion instead of relief.
I sat, and felt the virus first take hold of my sinus’, then my throat
finally my chest.
The kitchen counter became the staging ground for my battle defenses:
Weapons at the ready, I strategically planned a full assault of
herbal teas, decongestants, pain killers.
THIS ILLNESS WILL NOT STOP ME!
Or so I thought…
After consuming a tree’s worth of tissues,
my tailbone throbbing(?) eyes watering,
blurring the words I tried to read
because picking up a book was the most I could muster,
I sat confused, defeated.
What is this?
It was more than a cold, but less than the flu
It was deeper, older, as if some thing was being driven up
from the root of my being,
a disturbance in my sense of safety and survival.
A long stagnant toxin, having been jarred awake by current events
Blossomed to the surface.
As this wisdom came into my awareness,
my strategy changed.
I took an inventory of my life.
Am I safe?
Do I support and nurture
What changes do I need to make?
What past hurts, fears do I need to let go?
As I began the dance of supporting and releasing,
of intention and commitment,
the pain in my tail bone eased.
The herbs began to work.
Instead of “catching up” on the pile of books
I had set aside this winter, I curled up under the blanket
and watched movies.
No longer resisting the need to rest and recreate I embraced it.
I immersed myself in a Lego’s kit I received for Christmas
reveling in Play
something I had long forgotten as I hurried through life
stressed, anxious, yearning for control.
I have come to believe the Lego’s
healed me more than any medicine.
Discomfort, suffering, can be the impetus of change
if I allow it; if I am attentive enough,
if I embrace instead of resist that which is causing me dis-ease.
The wisdom of the virus taught me the necessity of
embracing my pain as a mother holds her child
who just skinned her knee hopping through a stream.
Gently kissing the wound,
she releases her child, allowing Life to unfold once again,
the memory of the pain washed away by Love.
In sickness and in health,
Love heals all wounds.
Give your Self the gift of love this week…
Happy Valentine’s Day