Today I went to harvest the kale that I had planted in the spring. I grow extra plants so I can freeze some for the winter, enjoying the fruits of the garden in the cold months that lie ahead. As I was cutting the green leaves from their stalks, I noticed a gray cast on their undersides.
A moth or other insect had laid their offspring on ALL of the leaves. The crop was a total loss. More sad than angry, I had so counted on these plants for food for My family. A farmer friend once told me, “One storm, a sudden illness, can be your undoing as a farmer.” There is so much wisdom in this statement. Yes, just one thing can change the course of our future, and, as we stand in the middle of this shift in our reality, we do not know what it will bring. I do believe that good will come of it regardless of how painful it might be initially. Pain decreases in proportion to our ability to adjust to the new circumstances.
I stood there for a long time holding the leaves, looking at both loss and new life. If I am honest, I have to admit that most times I have little control of the final outcome. I know this in my heart and yet I still cling to my desires, attached to the outcome like a child to their favorite blanket. Uncertainty can unnerve me.
Yet here I stand, breathing in the crisp autumn air, aware of my aliveness. I am O.K. I am more than O.K. I can walk and talk. I have family and friends to share love. I have this moment and all of its variations.
I compost the kale leaves and finish cleaning the garden bed.
I am content….
As a post script to this blog: As I was typing this on the computer, one of my cats was determined to get my attention so that I might feed her. In her over zealousness she turned the computer off. I had not saved anything…Ah yes…impermanence strikes again…